Cheapest and most pleasuring entertainment is reading. And I do read. It allows you to imagine and make your story to forgot things in it. And some time same as your situation. So you feel it. Too high too low or too fast too slow, paradox. If life stops you make you too rest, when everything falls apart, Even shadow lives you!!! And Nightmares are your friend. It opens all. the things you did knowingly or unknowingly. Some times we did some serious damage to someone's life emotionally or may be in some other way. Then you make list you apologies and you do "pratikamn" for that. Is this "karma"!!! Other thing you show family or friends getting married or having baby. They sent you invitations and families now. or you are still messed up in your relationships or paths. Are you "jealous" or "lonely".!!! It is those things that makes you feel you are victim. That is worst case remember at some time you want that. So apologies but ...
there are no ordinary moments...